3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
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