I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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