Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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