It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Everything about him screamed your future.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
