Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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