I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
i think my cat just said my name.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Randomize
