so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Randomize
