forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
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