Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
