so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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