glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
