i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
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