gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
