thus making me awesome and them whores
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
