Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
