I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Randomize
