Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
