I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Randomize