the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Randomize
