It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
i think we sleep fucked last night...
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
