Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize