my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
