BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
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