Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
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