this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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