nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
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