if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
