i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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