Kareoke will never be a sober sport
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
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