i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
