Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize
