I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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