I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
