I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
