summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
