i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
