i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
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