I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Randomize
