Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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