Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Randomize