I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
