your thong is hanging out like whoa
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
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