I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
