Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
