I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
My ATM looks so different sober.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
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