I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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