A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
