im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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