I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
