what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
