I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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