he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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