dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
