Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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