I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
