Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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