I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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