There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
