I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Randomize
