i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
