You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Randomize
