the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I have feelings that need drinking.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
